hmms.

I enjoy my solitude.

Yet at the same time, I don't like to be left alone either.

I can't make up my mind.

Sitting alone at the Atrium is very pleasing at times, to be left alone with my music and whatever miscellaneous (and useless) things I do. And I get this feeling of irritation if a classmate (not you DARLING) sits down at the table.

Maybe its because I know that sooner or later, a few more classmates would join in and when walking to class, I'll be left out of the conversation, to be left out of the group, to be part of something and yet be so detached, so misplaced.

I was and am never one to be that enthusiastic about bonding with so many people, because you can't rely on them. A vicious part of me is starting to emerge, one that I have never known to have that has probably been hibernating for the past 17 years (okay, 16 years +++) of my existence.

Maybe being trampled on my entire schooling life in the past years has given me the urge to start trampling on others.

Or I might be something like Mawata from Pretear, where she's an anti-social but in actual fact is yearning for attention.

Bleh.

I don't want attention.
I don't want to be alone either.

So what the hell do I really want?

Sorry, after not blogging for quite sometime, I come up with this weird entry that doesn't seem to have a proper closure.

Bedtime.