Need

Sometimes I wonder why I want so much to be a mother.

I've always daydreamed about me staying at home with the kids, holding a baby in an arm with a toddler running around, making a mess in the living room, and the kid running to daddy when he comes home from work. Then there'd be plenty of hugs and kisses to go around and daddy would cook dinner (because I can't cook for nuts).

I've dreamt about me knowing every single need of my child's, knowing what each whimper and cry means, being able to decipher the blabberings and half-words of my kids, to be paramount in their lives.

Everytime I see a baby or a young child and if I were with bee, I'd turn to him and say, "Faster marry me."

Then a line from a book wafted into my mind;

"...it was her place to be needed." - A Great and Terrible Beauty, Libba Bray (It's a very nice book by the way.)

Maybe it's just my place to be a mother.

Then again, I'd fear I would become a terrible mother (because my mother and sister have always said that I was impatient and wouldn't be able to put up with little children, except that my sister doesn't realise or doesn't choose to, that she's a major pain).

Only time can tell, I guess.

But I just feel this inherent need to be a mother, to just stay at home and take care of the kids.

I dunno ><