hmms

I'm finally getting into the hang of things. I haven't been late for lectures/tutorials, and I certainly haven't gotten lost in campus (:

My impressions of my classmates are still changing, just when I thought my thoughts and feelings have finally settled down, like a rock thrown into a recently-settled pool, to stir up the waters again and muddy it with the sand below. Big question marks are all around. But then again, in such a place (and I'll probably face even more of these situations that will be further amplified), you have to be prepared to be used, etc.

I feel a little like a fool.

I feel like I'm slipping back into the old 'habits' of my lower secondary school years.

Secondary school... It feels like an eternity away now. No more waking up at the same time every morning, trudging along on the same route, lugging around textbooks, having recess at the same time, teachers hankering after us to hand in assignments...

Now there's so much freedom.

I don't know how I'll survive, especially since I'm not particularly keen on getting too close to anyone, since its a mine-field out there. At least not until I get to know someone who won't use and discard me like so many other people have.

For goodness sake, I'm a human being with feelings and emotions, not tissue paper nor garbage. You people have no right to use me whatsoever.

I need to harden myself. I was too nice back then in sec school to reject people or to turn them down when they needed my help (when they usually didn't bother to return the 'favours' they asked from me). I'm too nice. Both my strength and my weakness.

I'm like an utter failure.

Its not like I don't know how to discern whether or not to help. Helping others is my nature, inscribed, engraved even, into my DNA. I am like that. I can't change that. I guess for now I'll just have to hope that people don't take advantage of this particular trait of mine. But even if they do, well, I'll just gotta grin and bear it, don't I? I haven't much of a choice.

Such an emo entry. Bleh.

I don't hate my class. I just don't really like the way some people behave. But oh well, one entire year with them. I just gotta get used to it, get used to them (: I can't really judge, can I? Others in class might not like me too. But all I'm asking for is just one friend.

One.

And that will suffice. Someone that I can trust, can talk to, someone I know who won't betray me (wah, so drama ><).

A good friend, a real friend.

Who fits the bill, though? Questions questions.

Its almost time to shower. Then I'll go and slack more. No mood to study tonight, no mood to read my perpetually boring texts. They're scarier than Chem and Bio texts put together. So many words.

Oh, joy.